Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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