Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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