i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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