I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
