I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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