and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
