I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
