ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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