sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize