nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
