You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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