Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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