Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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