we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
