Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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