atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
