I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
