I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
