TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
