Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
