i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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