One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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