12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
