I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She bit a glass in half.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
