1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
