Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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