My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
