i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
