Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
