hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
