Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
