Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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