your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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