what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
