...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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