this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
