i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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