So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
