The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
