Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
