I think i peed on brittanys purse
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
