idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
