if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I pour the whiskey from now on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
