we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
