I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
