I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
