Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
