Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
