Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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