At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She bit a glass in half.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
