Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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