she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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