yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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