There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
