just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to make out with him forever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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