I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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