You smell like a Billy Joel song
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
