It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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