shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
