Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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