I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
