Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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