How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I want a musical about memes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
