Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
