theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
