He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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