In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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