He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize