At least make sure they are 18
Why
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
