yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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