So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
