the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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