i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
