did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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