my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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