I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
