We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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