Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
