Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
