kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need a beard to bite.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
