Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
