So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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