pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
