he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
