I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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