I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
