she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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