Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
