the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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